The Elves and I
The Elves and I
A Red Garters, Snow and Mistletoe Tale
By Catrina Calloway
Resplendence Publishing, LLC
http://www.resplendencepublishing.com
Resplendence Publishing, LLC
P.O. Box 992
Edgewater, Florida, 32132
The Elves and I
Copyright © 2009, Catrina Calloway
Edited by Jessica Berry
Cover art by Rika Singh
Electronic format ISBN: 978-1-60735-063-7
Warning: All rights reserved. The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringements, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000.
Electronic release: September 2009
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and occurrences are a product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, places or occurrences, is purely coincidental.
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Epilogue
About the Author
Chapter One
“This is ridiculous!” Marni Sands hissed through clenched teeth.
Her lawyer whispered from the corner of her mouth, “Sit there and be quiet.”
“Just who does that judge think he is?”
The attorney rolled her eyes. “He’s the one who’s going to decide your fate for the next ninety days.”
BANG!
Marni jumped when Judge Nicholas Saint pounded the gavel.
“Counselor, this is the last time I’m going to tell you—control your client.”
He scanned the documents in front of him. “Speeding in our traffic circle, eh, Ms. Sands?” He narrowed his eyes. “Driving while intoxicated?”
“I was framed!” Marni shot to her feet. “My butler and maid planted those two opened vodka bottles on the floor in back of my Mercedes. They’d do anything to get me in trouble because I fired their sorry asses for stealing.”
Behind her, the two arresting officers snickered—loudly. Marni placed her hands behind her back and lifted one of her middle fingers. She wished she could personally tell the two arrogant assholes to fuck-off.
“Ms. Sands, do you expect me to believe such a load of nonsense?”
“Your honor, may I speak?” Marni’s lawyer ventured.
“Go ahead, counselor.” The judge leaned back in his chair, folding his hands across his ample belly.
She rose and placed a hand on Marni’s shoulder, shoving her down into her chair.
“My client is a law-abiding citizen, and a respected member of her community. She’s also been forced to live in the limelight because of her family’s wealth and reputation.”
“I’m well aware of that, counselor.”
“Yes, well, my point is that my client’s notoriety attracts the paparazzi. Ms. Sands was forced to speed through your town’s traffic circle by the photographers pursuing her and—”
“Why didn’t she call the police?”
“Unfortunately, my client could not reach her cell phone.”
The judge stroked his long, white beard. “Doesn’t she have that new-fangled, what the heck is it called?” He glanced at one of the bailiffs. “My brother San, he’s got one in his sleigh—you get your phone calls through it, and navigation—”
“It’s called ‘My Gig’ your honor.” The bailiff replied.
“Right. My Gig.” Judge Saint leaned forward, resting his robed forearms on top of the bench. “Does your client have one of those?”
She sighed. “Yes, she does.”
“Then she should have used it to call the police for help. Instead, she chose to speed through our traffic circle. The officers say she was doing sixty in a twenty-five mile an hour zone. And...” He held up his index finger. “She refused to take a sobriety test.”
“Because I didn’t have anything to drink!” Marni objected. Panic well inside her. It was time to pull out the big guns if she didn’t want to spend the holidays in jail. “Your honor, may I approach the bench?” She used her silkiest tone.
He crooked his index finger. “Come forward.”
“I don’t think this is a good idea.” Her attorney whispered. “You know how these small towns are. Just plead guilty, pay the fine and we’ll get you out of here.”
“No.”
She brushed past her lawyer and stood in front of Judge Saint.
“You’ve got exactly…” He pulled a gold watch from his pocket; it dangled on a long chain. “Two minutes, starting now.”
She licked her lips, tossing back her blonde hair over one shoulder.
Marni lowered her voice. “How about we work this out, together, in your chambers?” She batted her eyes, pushing out her new, “C” cup, surgically altered breasts. “I’m sure we could come up with a sizable donation, which I’d be willing to make to the town of River’s End, if you catch my meaning.”
Marni knew how to work her angles. She had quite a few judges in her pocket—this one would be no different.
Seconds went by. It became so quiet, Marni thought she could hear a pin drop in the courtroom.
“Ms. Sands,” the judge finally said. “I’m older than dirt. I’ve seen it all and heard it all, but you take the proverbial cake.” He rapped the gavel on the bench.
She jumped out of her skin for the second time that evening.
“I’d throw you in jail if I thought it would help, but I can see that you’ve got a lot to learn. I’m suspending your driver’s license and I hereby sentence you to thirty days of community service in Christmas Town.”
She scowled. “Christmas Town? What the hel—I mean, heck—is Christmas Town? Is that like the outlets?”
“It is not a shopping mall.” The look he gave her could freeze water. “It’s a small, self-contained community within our little town of River’s End.”
“What am I supposed to do there?”
“You’ll just have to wait and see, now won’t you?”
* * * *
Snow crystals landed on her cheeks and nose as the two bailiffs escorted Marni outside. Her breath formed a puffy white haze each time she exhaled.
CRUNCH!
She stepped in snow that had hardened from the frigid temperature. “I can’t walk in this. It’ll ruin my leather boots.”
The two bailiffs smirked. “Should we carry you, Madame?”
“These boots cost more than you two make in a month.”
They ignored her snide comment and said, “Here's your ride now.”
Marni watched a large, old-fashioned sleigh driven by eight reindeer slide to a halt in front of them. The reindeer stomped their hooves, bending their heads to sniff at the snow.
A young man and woman emerged from the sleigh dressed in bright green elf costumes.
“What the hell is going on?” Marni fumed. “Is this some sort of joke?” Her eyes widened. “Oh no, please don’t tell me I’m on that show ‘Gotcha!’—the one where they have the hidden cameras?”
“Hi Bill, hi Dan!” The young woman addressed the bailiffs.
She wore her auburn hair tucked beneath a three-pointed hat with a large plume. Her bright green dress cinched her waist, its full skirt swirling around her legs.
Bill spoke. “How’s it going, Celyn? I see Santa let you drive tonight.”
Marni rolled her eyes. �
��Oh, for heaven’s sake. This is insane.”
The lead reindeer turned his head and Marni stared in shock. The damn thing’s nose glowed bright red.
She quickly turned around.
I must be seeing things…
“Where’s your buddy, Celyn? Did Santa let you drive by yourself?” one of the bailiffs asked.
Celyn beamed, her freckled face splitting into a wide smile. “Aardel’s here, but I would have been all right alone. It was a smooth landing.”
The other ‘elf’ jumped down from the sleigh. Although short, he had a muscular body. He walked over to shake hands with the bailiffs.
“Happy holidays, guys,” he said with a grin. “How are your families?”
One of the bailiffs puffed out his chest. “Sally’s expecting our third.”
Aardel whistled. “Congratulations.” He pumped the man’s hand again.
Celyn stuck her nose in the air. “My driving was just fine, Aardel. I didn’t need you.”
Marni saw something flash in Aardel’s sherry-colored eyes. He tapped Celyn on the nose with his index finger. “I didn’t want you driving at night alone. Maneuvering around those shooting stars can be tricky.”
“I’ve handled Santa’s sleigh before!” She stamped her booted foot in the snow.
Marni was fascinated. She’d never seen such authentic costumes or make-up. The suede lining the toes of their boots turned upward, forming a perfect curl. Their pointy ears and slanty little brows gave their faces a pixie look one would expect from…well, elves.
Aardel took Celyn’s hand. “You did a fine job tonight. I was proud of you.”
Celyn blushed to the roots of her red-gold hair. For a few seconds, her eyes locked with Aardel’s
“Well, here’s your charge.” The bailiffs handed Marni over to them. “See you around Aardel! ‘Bye, Celyn.”
They walked back inside the building with a small wave.
Marni ran after them. She pulled on the closed door. It wouldn’t budge.
“Ms. Sands, we’ve got to leave now. Santa’s waiting.”
Marni rapped her forehead against the door. “This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.” She chanted.
“Ms. Sands?” Celyn called out. “Are you okay?”
She turned to face them. “Go away.”
“The sled won’t move unless you’re on it.” Aardel stated.
She gave the young man a dark look.
“Santa’s orders.” He shrugged.
“You expect me to believe this bullshit?”
Aardel clapped his hands over Celyn’s ears. “Ms. Sands! Watch your language. Santa wouldn’t—”
“How much?” Marni dug through her bag.
Celyn frowned. “How much what?”
“How much money will it take to make you leave me the hell alone?”
Aardel clapped his hands over Celyn’s ears again.
Marni withdrew her checkbook. “Will a thousand dollars each cover it?” She started to write.
Celyn laid a hand across hers. “Santa wouldn’t dream of making people pay for a ride on his sleigh.”
Aardel nodded. “She’s right. Santa’s not like that.”
“Would you knock off the Santa shi—stuff?”
Celyn’s eyes filled with tears. “You don’t believe in Santa Claus?”
“For Pete’s sake!” Marni shoved her checkbook into her bag. “Don’t cry.”
“Ms. Sands, this isn’t a joke,” Aardel said. “We’re here to take you to Christmas Town. Santa is waiting. We need to leave now before the weather gets worse.”
“Fine. Go.” Marni waggled her fingers at the sleigh.
“Like we said, we can’t leave without you.”
Celyn reached for her hands. “You’ll enjoy the ride. We promise.”
“I’ve been on a sleigh ride before, plenty of times.”
“Not like this.” Celyn grinned.
* * * *
WHOOSH!
Marni’s eyes widened, her mouth falling open while Celyn guided the sleigh into the wintry night sky. The stars twinkled and the moon hung full and golden as they rose higher. A shooting star passed by, then another, leaving a trail of glittering light in their wake.
“Go Dancer, go Prancer, go Donner and go Blitzen!” Celyn shouted above the wind. “Good job, Rudolf. Santa’s going to be so proud when I tell him how you led us.”
Marni gazed at the front dash of the sleigh where an intricate navigation system guided them through the night.
My brother, San...he’s got one on his sleigh...
“Well, I’ll be a…that judge wasn’t kidding.”
“Pardon me?” Aardel asked.
“Nothing.” She shook her head. “This ride is pure magic.”
He grinned. “Elves never lie.”
“Yeah, right.” She snorted. “Everyone lies, honey. Everyone.”
“Elves always tell the truth.”
No one she knew ever told the truth—especially to her.
Marni looked down. An ominous, gray castle loomed in the distance.
“Is that Christmas Town?”
“Gosh, no!” Celyn replied. “That’s where the evil elf, Glint lives. He’d do anything to destroy Christmas Town and the Holiday Spirit. You must never, ever go there, Ms. Sands. Glint is a bad elf.”
“Ooooooookay. If you say so.”
Marni wondered if her drinking had finally caught up with her.
She sucked in a breath as another magnificent shooting star flew by, its fiery tail bursting into thousands of shimmery sparks all around them.
A few minutes later, another castle came into view, a magnificent red and green fortress with gold spires that rose high into the sky.
“Is that Christmas Town?”
Her heart beat wildly and her excitement built, which amazed her even further. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been excited or thrilled about anything.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” Aardel looked out over the town with a smile.
“It is.” Marni agreed without hesitation.
White lights twinkled from every window. Huge gold and silver ornaments dangled from the branches of pine trees surrounding the castle.
“Those ornaments are made of real silver and gold.” Celyn told her.
Marni whistled. “Damn things must be worth a fortune.”
“That’s how Santa pays for what we need throughout the year. He sells off a few of the ornaments each Christmas.” Celyn told her.
Aardel placed a hand on Celyn’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t be telling everyone Santa’s business.”
She shrugged him off. “You’re not the boss of me.”
He shook his head and sighed, his eyes filled with longing.
Marni’s mouth curved into a smile. Their banter was cute, and she thought it clearly displayed that Aardel had the hots for Celyn.
That made her smile—again. Amazing. Here she was, grinning like a loon, and she didn’t even need a drink to accomplish it. Lately, booze was the only thing that made her happy.
She heard the swish of curved metal blades as Celyn landed the sleigh.
“Well done!” Aardel placed an arm around Celyn’s shoulders.
The young woman beamed, her smile reaching from ear-to-ear.
Aardel kissed Celyn’s cheek, and her lovely mouth formed a perfect ‘O.’ He jumped off the sleigh, his arms extended so he could help Celyn. She slid against him, their eyes locking for a few seconds.
Then she pulled away, her pink cheeks turning bright red. “Th-thank you.”
“My pleasure.” Aardel murmured.
He then turned to escort Marni from the sleigh. They all walked together, the snow crunching beneath their feet.
At the entrance to the castle, two tall, life-like wooden soldiers stood guard.
Marni poked one in his chest. He winked.
“Holy shi—I mean—wow.”
“Santa’s got a hundred of them.” Celyn whispered. �
��Aren’t they handsome? When they all march together, I get such chills. Brrrrrr.” Celyn shivered.
Marni angled her head. “What’s that old saying? ‘There’s something about a man in uniform.’”
BANG!
Marni jumped when Aardel used the large, gold knocker on the door.
“Next time, warn me.” She grumbled.
“Sorry.” He shrugged. “But we have to be announced.”
The large door swung open and a female elf greeted them. “Aardel, Celyn...we’re glad you’re back. Everyone’s waiting.”
She ushered them inside.
Warmth surrounded Marni, along with the smell of fresh-baked cookies and cinnamon.
A petite, older woman with short, white curly hair walked over to them. Her long green and red checked gown stopped just short of her ankles, revealing a pair of black high-button shoes with laces and thin, six-inch heels.
Marni shook her head, thinking she imagined it, but when the older woman turned, she caught a glimpse of black fishnet stockings.
The woman’s soft voice floated by Marni’s ears.
“I’m glad you finally made it. Word is we’re getting a blizzard.”
Celyn took Marni by the hand. “Elise, I’d like you to meet Marni Sands.”
“Well my dear, I can only say we’ve been waiting for you with great anticipation.”
“You have?” Marni raised a brow.
“Of course. Nicholas said to expect you.”
“Nicholas?”
The woman smiled. “Nicholas Saint. My husband’s brother.”
“The judge! He looked like Santa Claus.”
“That’s because Nicholas and Santa are twins.”
Marni rolled her eyes. This is getting very weird.
She noticed that the older woman didn’t have one wrinkle on her smooth, peaches and cream skin, yet something about her spoke of times long past. Maybe it was the dress—it had a bustle on the back. Or maybe the shoes or...
The fishnet stockings? Women didn’t wear sexy stockings in olden times...or shoes with six-inch heels...
Elise’s voice cut through Marni’s musings. “Mister Claus and I were looking forward to your arrival.”